From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust
Unpacking imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and the small steps that build whole-hearted confidence
(8min Read)
I’ve had several conversations with clients over the last few weeks who are facing hits to their confidence as they step into more senior leadership roles. I want you all to know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you if you’re feeling this way.
Many of us are walking around with an outdated definition of what confidence actually is, and it’s keeping us stuck in cycles of imposter syndrome, overwork, and posturing.
We’ve been told to fake it ‘til we make it, to shout our accomplishments, to override self-doubt. But those tactics often make us feel even more disconnected from ourselves. Chasing confidence becomes a performance rather than a feeling, and it’s exhausting.
Let’s pop the balloon.
All good leaders experience self doubt, fear, and insecurity. And the great leaders know how to harness it for their personal growth and broader benefit.
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Many of us believe confidence is something we’ll finally feel once we’ve done or achieved enough. When we get the promotion, make more money, publish the book, lose the weight. But that mindset keeps moving the goalpost.
Have you seen true, whole hearted confidence in others before? It usually looks like embracing the wholeness of who they are, all parts of themselves- the insecurities, assuredness, all of it.
Whole-hearted confidence doesn’t come from fixing your flaws. It comes from befriending them. It’s not about silencing self-doubt, but learning how to hear it differently. That’s where the Saboteurs come in.
What a relief to realize that you don’t need to overcome your insecurities in order to step into confidence, but welcome them in as teachers so that we can more deeply accept ourselves right where we are.
We all have inner shadows or saboteurs- the parts of ourselves that we don’t particularly like about ourselves, feel ashamed about, and that we often allow to hold us back from being able to enjoy our journey.
Positive Intelligence (PQ) is a framework I use in my coaching practice to explore these challenges with clients and help them develop greater mental fitness. It was developed by Stanford researcher Shirzad Chamine and explores how certain mental habits, called Saboteurs, get in the way of our performance, wellbeing, and confidence.
Backed by research with over one million participants, PQ shows how we can shift from fear-based patterns to more grounded, clear-headed ways of responding.
How Your Saboteurs Reinforce Self-Doubt
Saboteurs are automatic thought loops shaped early in life. Each one has its own voice, beliefs, and assumptions designed to protect you from emotional or physical threats. As a child, they helped you survive. But as an adult, they often keep you stuck.
They live in the brainstem, limbic system, and parts of the left brain, the regions wired for scanning threats. These negative emotions can be helpful for a split second, alerting you to issues. But when you stay in “Saboteur mode”, you’re hijacked.
You lose access to empathy, creativity, and calm, and instead react from fear, pressure, or avoidance. This is a huge hit to your confidence, but many of us never learn how to break free of this default mode.
Based on factor analysis, the researcher behind PQ identified 9 core Saboteurs, and each of us have a mix of all of them, with some showing up stronger than others.
As a reminder, the saboteurs are not enemies. They are over-active strengths that we used as young children when faced with stress or hardship. As adults, they are subconsciously running the show.
You might experience all three in a single day, and that’s not a flaw, it’s a signal. Let’s break them down:
Pleaser – Believes love must be earned. Ignores personal needs in a bid for approval and connection.
Victim – Leans into emotional intensity as a way to be seen, especially when affection feels scarce or conditional.
Restless – Constantly moves toward the next thing, avoiding stillness where deeper self-doubt might surface.
Avoider – Escapes discomfort, including the discomfort of confronting feelings of inadequacy or difficult truths.
Hyper-Achiever – Ties worth to performance. Each win is quickly discarded in pursuit of the next, never feeling secure.
Stickler – Tries to avoid judgment through perfection. Mistakes feel like proof you don’t belong.
Controller – Pushes relentlessly to stay ahead of failure or vulnerability, masking a deep fear of losing control.
Hyper-Rational – Relies solely on intellect, avoiding emotional connection or softness for fear it might reveal weakness.
Hyper-Vigilant – Lives in a state of anxious readiness. Assumes that the next misstep will undo everything.
Ready to discover your saboteurs?
✍ Start here → 🔗 Take the Free Saboteur Assessment
📤 Then email me your results: jessica@jessicalynnmacleod.com
💌 I’ll send your personal invitation for a 1:1 focused coaching session to walk through your Saboteur results and identify the best Sage strategies for you.
Reclaiming Confidence with Your Sage
Your Saboteurs are not your fault, but they are your responsibility. Thankfully, they aren’t the only voice inside you.
You also have a Sage part of your brain. This part of your brain lives in the middle prefrontal cortex and parts of the right brain. It’s wired for calm, creativity, empathy, and focus. The Sage doesn’t ignore life’s challenges, but it meets them with clarity and grounded confidence as opposed to fear and judgement.
Think of a leader you greatly admire. How do they make you feel? What are the qualities they bring to their work and relationships?
Take a look at the Sage qualities below and see if these remind you of the great leaders in your life:
Empathize: Understanding yourself and others, recognizing the connection between you and them, and fostering compassion.
Explore: Having the curiosity and willingness to explore new ideas and situations, and to hold onto the knowledge you gain.
Innovate: Taking existing situations and finding ways to make them better through increased awareness and perspective.
Navigate: Developing better tools to discern what is coming at you and to avoid negative paths that can lead to bad outcomes.
Activate: Taking calm, clear-headed, laser-focused action in the face of challenges.
When you activate your Sage with specific practices, you access emotions like curiosity, compassion, joy, and presence.
Most importantly, you are able to take the specific sage steps that quiet your loudest saboteurs and help you break free from the exhausting loop of self-doubt and reactivity, allowing you to lead from wholeness, not perfection.
We Need The Sage When Striving Stops Working
In the early stretch of our careers, perfectionism and ambition often look like strengths. They push us to over-prepare, over-deliver, and work harder than everyone else. That striving feels productive, even admirable. But often, it’s fueled by fear. We’re not playing to win, we’re playing not to lose.
As Keren Eldad writes in Gilded: Breaking Free from the Cage of Ambition, Perfectionism, and the Relentless Pursuit of More, many high achievers are “playing defense without realizing it.” We operate from a sense of scarcity, constantly proving we belong. The polished confidence on the outside can mask an exhausting inner scramble to hold it all together.
This fear-based effort works for a while. But eventually, it stops serving us.
What once felt like ambition becomes anxiety in disguise.
Perfectionism turns into control. “I’ve got this” becomes “I can’t let anyone down.” And the very patterns that helped us grow professionally start to keep us from growing personally.
In PQ language, this is when Saboteur mode takes over. The voices of the Stickler, the Hyper-Achiever, the Controller often sound responsible and disciplined. But they’re rooted in fear, not optimism and creativity. They keep us in a constant loop of proving, pleasing, and performing.
Eldad names what many of us quietly feel:
“You’re making a lot of effort, and it’s not working. You need help. You need rest. You need to feel held and supported.”
This is the inflection point. Instead of pushing harder, we’re invited to shift into Sage mode, the part of the brain wired for empathy, creativity, and big-picture clarity. This doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you stop gripping so tightly. The Sage knows how to move forward without fear at the wheel.
True confidence is not the absence of doubt. It’s the capacity to act with care and presence even when doubt is in the room. It’s giving yourself permission to ask for help. It’s choosing “good enough” instead of perfect. It’s knowing your worth isn’t earned through exhaustion.
This is the difference between success that is soul-aligned and success that is self-protective. One is sustainable. The other will slowly wear you down.
Join Me for the Summer Pilot
If something stirred in you while reading, I hope you’ll follow that nudge.
This summer, I’m piloting a new offering to help you understand your Saboteurs, build Sage-based practices, and grow the kind of confidence that doesn’t rely on overworking or perfectionism.
✍ Start here → 🔗 Take the Free Saboteur Assessment
📤 Then email me a screenshot of your results: jessica@jessicalynnmacleod.com
💌 I’ll send your personal invitation for a 1:1 focused coaching session to walk through your Saboteur results and identify the best Sage strategies for you.
I’m offering a second bonus coaching session to the first 3 people who sign up!
If your gut is saying “this is for me,” I’d love to have you in this next chapter.